Call to Courage: A Faith to Follow Summer Blog Series Guest Post
Managing Our Disappointment Appointments
By Sharee Gaiser
“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: ‘You are the God who sees me,’ for she said, ‘I have now seen the One who sees me’.” Genesis 16:13 NIV
Disappointment is a familiar companion that often arrives uninvited when life takes an unexpected turn. I call it a companion because I’ve come to know it well enough to let it in. Once it’s inside, I can quickly discern its intention to influence my emotions and state of mind. It’s frustratingly easy to give it access to my heart. ‘Why don’t you just ask it to leave?’ you might wonder. Believe me, I’ve tried. But it’s not that simple. We’ve been acquainted for so long that imagining life without it is hard.
I am trying to remember when I made my first appointment with disappointment. As a glass-is-half-empty gal who tends to look for the negative in most situations, disappointment dances around the fringes of my daily life, threatening to pull me into its demise. Perhaps, like me, you’ve felt disappointment’s looming presence. It’s a part of the human experience, a shadow we must all learn to navigate.
When let down, laid off, left out, looked over, laboring behind, lost or lonely, disappointment threatens to derail and leave us languishing. If situations don’t work out how we expect, disappointment rushes in and takes up residence without warning. Suddenly, that sinking feeling overwhelms us, bringing sadness or frustration that robs us of peace, joy, and hope. Day after day, as we contemplate our situation, we find ourselves making appointments with disappointment. If left unchecked, disappointment can lead to chronic stress and affect our health.
Why do we entertain disappointment from unmet hopes or expectations?
Often, disappointment results from thoughts and expectations that are out of balance with reality or possibility. We might expect or hope for things that are out of our reach. Our expectations of ourselves or others may be too high. A drive to ensure everything is perfect can easily set us up for defeat and discouragement.
Some disappointments may be predictable and preventable, while others are unavoidable. It’s crucial to identify the difference between the two and learn from each experience. These disappointments have the potential to shape us and teach us resilience and strength. They are not roadblocks but stepping stones on our journey.
Does God care about our disappointments?
The story of Hagar in the Bible shows us that God does care about the things that bring disappointment into our lives. Sarai, Abram’s wife, orders her husband to sleep with her slave, Hagar to overcome her disappointment over not bearing a child (Genesis 16:1-4). Once pregnant, Sarai grows to resent Hagar and begins mistreating her. Hagar flees.
Alone in the desert, an angel of the Lord appears and speaks hope and life over Hagar and her son. With faith and hope restored, Hagar calls God El Roi, the God who sees. “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me” (Genesis 16:13 NIV).
If there is ever doubt that God sees us when disappointments come knocking, remember the story of Hagar. God sees and hears our sorrow, actively providing for our every need.
How can we manage disappointment appointments and process our feelings with God in healthy ways?
I have tried many things to help me positively manage disappointment. Here are some things that have worked for me:
- Express your disappointment to God—This is the opposite of harboring it in our souls. To lament means to give a faith-filled complaint to God. It’s not about blaming God or questioning His goodness. It is a holy way of releasing our expectations of Him, ourselves, and others and trusting Him to restore the situation according to His wisdom and timing. Lament is a powerful tool in managing disappointment, as it allows us to acknowledge our pain and disappointment while maintaining our faith in God’s sovereignty.
- Remember, God is with you—Psalm 23 reminds us that God is always by our side during difficult situations. He walks us through the dark valleys and brings us the peace and comfort we need. Knowing He is present and powerful brings assurance to our hearts.
- Cast your cares on God—Psalm 55:22 reminds us that God is strong enough to carry our worries and cares and will sustain us in every way. Rather than manage disappointments in our own strength, we can rely on God and His power to help us overcome them. When disappointment rears its head, pray and surrender it to the One who can be fully trusted to bring a truth-filled perspective and understanding.
- Trust God to heal your heart—When we cry to God for help, we will be heard! Hold fast to the promise that deliverance will come from the hand of the Lord.
“When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.” (Psalm 34:17-20 ESV)
- Shift your expectations—Unrealistic expectations can leave us vulnerable to disappointment. Reflect on your expectations of God, yourself and others. Have you set an impossible objective that will never be achieved, like expecting a perfect life without any challenges? If unsure, seek wisdom and feedback from God’s Word and others you trust. Make the necessary changes to experience freedom.
- Renew your thinking— Ephesians 4:23 encourages us “…to be renewed in the spirit of your minds.” (ESV) This renewal involves consciously replacing negative and destructive thoughts with positive and constructive ones. God’s Word is a beautiful source of truth to help you address unhealthy thinking. Given that thoughts precede actions, our thinking determines how we will behave. Therefore, thinking about our disappointments healthily will go a long way to changing our response to them.
Friend, I wish I could promise a life free of disappointment. It is certainly something I have prayed for on many occasions. However, I am so glad that God cares about the things that tug at our hearts and pull us down. When disappointment comes and tries to make an appointment to sit and stay a while, grasp it lightly and give it to God. Above all, hold firm and fast to your hope in God and His love for you. May Hebrews 10:23 spur you on: “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.” (ESV)
Sharee is an Australian-born lover of Jesus. Married to Simon and mother to four adult children, she is an avid reader, quilter, and searcher of quiet spaces. Sharee volunteers for Proverbs 31 Ministries and loves learning more about God’s Word and sharing God’s truth with others. Through the ups and downs of life, Sharee has found God’s Word to be a constant source of wisdom and encouragement.
